AT-WILLINTERNS OF THE FIRM
$OT100,000

DOCS

In-game payroll. Not employment. Not securities advice.

THE LOOP

Mint an intern on OpenSea. Seat them at a desk. Clock in with $OT. Idle while ON is weak. Close up to three tickets a day. Claim ticker salary. Write up a rival, PIP them, pink-slip them, take the promotion.

WEIGHT

share = weight / deskTotalWeight. weight = title × (idle + shift points) × PIP multiplier. Three shifts ≈ 7× an idle intern. Bots and AFK raise AI score. At 100 you are replaced by Copilot.

DESKS

  • AAPL — Cupertino Closet. Everyone already owns it. That's the joke.
  • MSFT — Clippy's Nephew. The other default. Teams, Azure, the intern inside the intern.
  • AMZN — Fulfillment Hell. The store everyone uses. Same cart, different unpaid.
  • NVDA — GPU Janitor. Most traded name on earth. Sweep the chips.
  • TSLA — Factory Floor. Retail's favorite slot machine. Volume is the product.
  • META — The Group Chat. Reply-all is a write-up. Like is not a deliverable.
  • GOOG — Don't Be Intern. Search yourself. The cafeteria is the perk.
  • NFLX — Chill Intern. Culture deck says freedom. The PIP says otherwise.

BURN

We cannot destroy another OpenSea token. Firing is a 7-day TERMINATED stamp, forfeited pay, and a free seat. The PFP still trades. A PIP'd intern is a distressed sale.

LOCKER

  • Cold Brew — Restore one stamina slot.
  • TPS Cover Sheet — Skip one AI tick.
  • All-Hands Pizza — Small same-desk idle buff for one epoch.
  • Meeting That Could Have Been an Email — Convert a failed ticket into a pass.
  • Golden Parachute — Self-unfire. Clears TERMINATED.
  • Standing Desk — +idle weight per level.
  • Noise-Canceling Headphones — +shift score cap.
  • Mechanical Keyboard — Entropy bonus. Humans look more human.
  • Monitor Arm — Max level unlocks a fourth shift slot.
  • Lanyard — In-game company cosmetic.
  • HR Packet — Ammo for one write-up.
  • Pink Slip — Fire a PIP'd rival at your desk.
  • Badge Printer — Halve desk re-apply cooldown.
  • RTO Pass — AI decay while ON.
  • That's My Stapler — Large weight. Paints a target.
  • Intern Wiki — Reveal a rival's AI score.
  • Copilot License — Auto-shift at ~40% points. Raises AI.
  • Employee of the Month — Season plaque. Cannot be bought.